Many of us remember the funny scene in Princess Bride when the priest begins the wedding ceremony with the hilarious words…“Mawage…that dweam within a dweam.” But that is was we want, a marriage that fulfills our deepest dreams of love and connection, and that makes all our dreams come true. And even though we may laugh at that cliché, deep inside, our hearts ache to be known by our closest companion. Vulnerability is terrifying, but it is also the place where souls connect.

We marry so we will not be alone in life; so we will not live life in loneliness. We were designed for connection, for it is this is the answer to our longing to know and be known, and in that knowing, to be loved unconditionally. Romantic books and movies all have this behind all their plots and themes because that is the great desire of our hearts, to be loved fully, freely, and unconditionally. And we want to marry someone whom we can love freely in return.

It is hard to let someone in behind our walls which we have constructed so carefully. What will they find there? What will the one I hope will love me feel once he or she sees me as I see me, knows me as I know myself? That is the great fear that keeps us from being vulnerable. Will I still be loved, or will my darling’s love slowly fade, and maybe even die? It is safer to maintain our seclusion than to risk rejection and abandonment.

We build our castles for safety, but love cannot flourish and connection cannot be found when we are hidden inside. Connection is found in the grassy field between our two castles where there is no hiding. It is there, with no armor of defense, with only our hearts held out to each other, that connection is found, and it is the most beautiful love of all – the love of accepting and being accepted, of loving and being loved.

What are your roadblocks to vulnerability? Marriage counseling at New Hope Counseling Service can help remove these and move toward the love you’ve wanted.