How can I find a good spouse safely? We hear this question so often in counseling. Marriage counseling is a large part of our practice, so we see the effects of not asking this question, or not answering it well. Singles who have delayed marrying are now very worried that the field of eligible men or women is smaller in their age group. Divorced people don’t want another bad marriage, and widowed women and men wonder if there is anyone left whom they can love and be loved by at their age?

So first lets talk about what kind of marriage I’m talking about. Marriage is  where two people connect emotionally on the deepest level, are more and more united in the totality of who they are, who are fully accepted and accept fully, for whom making love is still passionate more often than not (that’s for another blog), and who can say, in the beautiful words in Avatar, “I see you.”  It is unconditional love, and even when there are tough times the determination is always to make it good again.  We can add more, but you get the idea.

 I love the movie Meet Joe Black. I show this scene to anyone who is looking for a husband or wife because it says so poetically what I’m trying to say. In the scene Anthony Hopkins is talking to his daughter, asking about her pending marriage to a man named Drew whom he is mentoring to take over his vast business. Take a look: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9EV3DKPo-4U

So let’s begin this multi part blog. Pt 2, Know Yourself So You Know Who To Look For, coming soon!