As we continue on in this series on shame it is important to know that shame and guilt are two different things.  Sometimes they overlap and we can get them confused.  

But here is the difference,

Guilt: “I did something bad.”

Shame: “I am something bad.”

Sometimes our guilt causes us to feel shame.  But guilt is something we can get over.  We can fix what we did wrong.  We can apologize to whomever we hurt.  We can fix our guilt.  Shame on the other hand, that gets instilled in us over time.  We start believing that we are bad, we are ugly, we are fat, we are stupid, and we are alone.  Those feelings become instilled in us and we are overwhelmed with things we call shame.  We can’t always fix it like we can fix guilt.  Working on our shame takes time.  We have to recognize that we are NOT what our shame tells us.  

A quote from the movie, “The Help,” sticks out to me.  It was during a scene when a mother was shaming her young daughter.  The nanny would witness this and she would tell this little girl, “You is kind, you is smart, you is important.”  I am sure you know that quote if you saw the movie.  It was a very powerful part of the movie, in my eyes.  Maybe the grammar of this little quote isn’t all that accurate but I think you get the picture.  Like I mentioned in part 2 of the Shame series, you are greater than your shame.  

YOU ARE NOT YOUR SHAME.

Your shame does not define you.  So, say it with me, “I am kind, I am smart, I am important.”  Did you say it?  Now, do you believe it?

Part 4 is coming soon!

Make sure to catch up on parts 1 and 2 if your haven’t already!