Have you ever watched “Everyone Loves Raymond?” If you have then what you see, and what makes it so funny, is a family without boundaries. Ray and Robert just can’t say no to their mother. Frank is a tough guy who is forced to be compliant if he wants to eat. Debra sees the craziness, but has been sucked into it and can’t find her way out. Even Amy gets lost in the enmeshed family whirlwind. There’s nothing like watching a crazy family for laughs…unless you are part of that family.

Sometimes it is hard to say no. We are asked to do something or go somewhere, and something inside just recoils at the request, but we just cannot find the strength to politely say no and not feel a load of guilt on us like a soaking wet mattress – heavy and very uncomfortable. And then there are people to whom saying no brings shame and manipulation, and we go along just to avoid it all, but kick ourselves later for being so weak. Having boundaries is essential for healthy relationships; lack of boundaries makes for relationships that are controlled by the most manipulative one in the group, whether it’s friends or a family, or even work.

Finding the courage and self-confidence to say no is not easy. So many things go into our inability like low self-worth and self-respect, past trauma, the way we were raised, and other things. If you are unable to have clear boundaries you know how hard it is to have real life giving friendships and relationships. As mental health counselors in Palatine, our job is to help you untangle and sort out the things that keep you from this.