When was the last time you made love? I don’t mean when you last had sex; anyone can have sex. But when did you and your husband or wife really connect at the level where your souls met? The beauty of love is found in that deep place where we meet soul to soul, heart to heart, seeing each other in the vulnerability of openness – defenses down and masks off. “I see you,” was the beautiful phrase in the movie Avatar. I see your soul, I know your heart; I am joined to you and with you.

Love’s promise and hope is that we will find the one we have been looking for, the one we hope will be our match, filling all our empty parts as we fill theirs. Making love is the expression of that connection. We join our bodies because our hearts and souls are joined, and this is the way we meet in that most sacred place in our souls. Sex is something else, and between true lovers it is part of our love. It is fun, laughter, passion, tenderness, daring, healing, and sometimes, we just want to get…well, you know. All those things are good and needed for a good marriage. In the words of my favorite bumper sticker, “Sex is like pizza. When its good it’s really good, when it’s bad it’s still pretty good!”

Sex is fun and wonderful; making love is different. Really, everything we do throughout the day is making love. From the first moment of waking, to how we treat each other until we leave for work, to the things we do to make our marriage financially sound throughout the workday, to the messages we text or email, or the calls we make or don’t make, to coming home and how we relate during the evening, to the thousand little things that make up a life…all of it is making love. One post on Pinterest said it so well: “A true lover knows that making love begins when the last orgasm ends.” We are either doing it very well, or mediocre, or we are making love very poorly. It all shows up in the bedroom.

If we’ve loved our spouses in all we do both with and without them, and have had our hearts toward each other throughout the day, then the act of sex will reflect that, and we will both express love and create love – make love. The bedroom is almost always the measure of the marriage. “Sexuality is a powerful window into who we are.” It is a window into us individually, and into our marriage. What is your bedroom telling you? Is it alive with passion and connection, or boring, routine, and maybe even lifeless? An old saying was, “It all comes out in the wash.” Well, it all comes out in the bedroom, too.

We are here to help you find the love and life and sexual relationship that will be what you have longed for.

¹ David Schnarch, Passionate Marriage (Henry Holt: Owl Books 1997), 30.